Clint and JARVIS vs the daily zombie invasion
by sheneya
Summary: Clint has no idea why people kept talking about the zombie apocalypse, he lived it every morning, good thing his zombies reacted well to coffee. PS: I think this was inspired by a prompt on the AvengerKink meme, but I can't remember which prompt as the story didn't gel until now.


Clint stretched and looked out the window of his room, watching the first rays of sunlight peek over the horizon.

For all the ideas people had about the Avengers, outside of an impending disaster, Clint was actually the earliest riser in the morning, not Steve, as most people assumed.

Clint woke up a five am, even if he'd had a late night.

Padding into the kitchen in his sleep shorts, Clint said a quiet "Good Morning." to JARVIS, who responded to the greeting and made small talk before they got down to the business of the morning...choosing which coffee type to make for the other Avengers as well as himself.

Eventually, they decided on the new blend, it was an non buyable blend, grown in Asgard when Thor had introduced the beverage to his fellow Asgardians.

During a diplomatic visit Clint had been asked to show his prowess with a bow, it had been gifted to them in appreciation of his skill.

They said he wasn't bad for a Midgardian, he'd, very diplomatically he felt, not pointed out he'd trounced their best archer by an easily noticeable margin.

It had become a daily thing with JARVIS, and JARVIS usually let him make the coffee, the AI had always stated he could do better because he had tastebuds, Clint felt the AI was just humoring him, but he liked doing it, so he didn't complain.

Suddenly, there was a shuffling sound and a groan, along with scrabbling heard through the ventilation.

As Clint put the new blend into the grinder, he commented to JARVIS. "Looks like Steve is up."

JARVIS voiced an affirmation as the sounds of plumbing turning on, followed by a yelp as Steve, in his tired state forgot to wait for the water to warm up this morning drifted into the kitchen.

Steve was usually up at six, always having a shower and getting dressed before coming down.

Clint finished grinding the first batch of coffee beans, before walking over to one of the several coffee makers Tony owned, a bit much some people would think, but even before the Avengers arrived, Tony had practically lived on the stuff.

Clint poured in the water and turned on the coffee machine to the sounds of more shuffling around as Steve picked out his clothes for the day.

The last time Maria Hill had been over, it had been around this time in the morning and they'd forgotten to hand in their reports, when she'd mentioned she'd heard the shower and shuffling, Clint told her it was Steve, and he was getting his clothes together.

To his surprise, the first thing she'd said was. "So he's walking around naked up there?" it was the first and last time he'd ever seen her blush.

Clint pulled out the cups, followed by some frying pans and a few pots, Clint liked to make the coffee, Steve enjoyed cooking breakfast.

More scrabbling was heard through the ventilation, followed by another yelp and words most people wouldn't think of coming out of Captain America's mouth.

JARVIS managed to sound both sheepish and amused as he mentioned Steve having trouble finding the light switch.

Clint laughed softly, Steve was getting better at modern things, but lights turning themselves on while he's half asleep still tended to make him jump.

Finally, as the coffee had just finished brewing, the sound of the elevator moving reached the kitchen.

Clint poured the first cup into a "World's Greatest Granddad" Cup, it had been a gag gift from Tony when a conversation turned to the idea of Steve somehow being related to all of them, and added the sugar and milk to Steve's preference.

There was a moan, this time from the now open elevator doors, Steve's still damp hair stood up in all directions, Clint decided he must be really tired to have forgone his usually much more complete morning grooming ritual.

With another groan, Steve stumbled over to the table, before sitting down and taking the cup Clint handed to him with a "good morning" that was echoed by JARVIS, after a half-hearted glare at the cup he was given, Steve took his first mouthful while Clint prepared himself a cup.

They drank in companionable silence, before Steve decided to start on breakfast and Clint moved away from coffee for the moment to pull together Bruce's morning cup of tea.

Bruce tended to wake up around seven thirty.

Clint had been woken up at 11 last night by the rare sound of Bruce successfully coaxing Tony Stark into having, what was for him, an early night, so he decided on the really, really high quality peppermint tea for Bruce this morning, instead of just the high quality.

Bruce was normally a quiet person who looked after everyone else, he didn't react well to big congratulations, but he always looked grateful when someone gave him a little extra something for doing well.

Getting Tony to bed at a reasonable hour was doing very well indeed.

Brewing the tea, Clint took a few seconds to glance over at what Steve was doing, looked like it was an assortment of pancakes, a few pots of oatmeal and some bacon and eggs this morning, enough to feed an Army...or a Super Soldier, A Demi-God, someone prone to rage induced metamorphosis and a man powered by an Arc Reactor, plus him and Natasha.

The sound of the elevator starting again meant Bruce was coming down.

Unlike Steve, Bruce usually just came down in his Pajamas, leaving the morning rituals until after food and drink.

The Elevator dinged, announcing the emergence of a sleepy, slightly disgruntled looking Bruce.

A look at his jammies made the reason for his unusual morning expression clear.

He was wearing "Hulk Smash" nightwear.

A quick conversation over well brewed tea gave the reason why, in his exhausted state the night before, he'd just put on whatever Tony had handed him and gone to bed, he hadn't even noticed what he was wearing until he'd looked in the mirror this morning.

They both startled slightly when Steve placed two plates of food in front of them, Bruce's piled three times higher than Clint's, before Serving himself a similar amount to Bruce.

That was the other reason Steve cooked breakfast, even with the differences in the serums used on both him and Bruce, they still had similarities, including an increased metabolism, it also calculated well for Thor when he was in.

That thought reminded Clint he need to get the next pot of coffee on and bring out the pop-tarts, Natasha and Thor were due to wake up in about half an hour.

Natasha and Thor, when he was here, woke up around 9 o'clock.

At first Natasha had woken at the same time as Clint, it was only after she'd started trusting the others more that she began sleeping in a little.

Natasha usually brushed her teeth with a mild, non-minty toothpaste before coming down for breakfast, she'd always enjoyed her morning meals without the taste being altered by morning breath.

Thor on the other hand waited until afterwards, similar to Bruce in that regard.

When Thor wasn't in Asgard, he and Natasha often ended up sharing the elevator of a morning, it was one of the few times Thor wasn't loud at all.

It hadn't started out this way, in the first few weeks of Natasha's later waking time, you could still hear Thor be his usual boisterous self, until one morning, he became silent halfway through the elevator ride.

That day, the door had opened to a smug looking, sleep tousled Natasha, and a quiet, almost pale-looking Thor.

After a few looks between Thor, Natasha and the others, Thor spoke.

"Lady Natasha has informed me that during the morning, I should not be so loud as she doesn't like too much noise before her first coffee."

That evening, Thor had asked Clint how such a fragile item as a plastic spork, could be used as a threat so well.

Clint didn't answer.

Hearing the Elevator again, Clint poured out the cups and added the desired amounts of everything.

Natasha was in her new Satin set, It was one the few presents she'd gotten for her recent birthday and she was quite taken with it, because even though it was made of satin, it was a full set of Pajamas, not some barely there lingerie that was sometimes gifted to her by unsuspecting newbies.

Those newbies never lasted long.

Like Clint, Thor was just in some sleep shorts, he'd started out coming down naked, but was quickly dissuaded from continuing to do so by the others, sleeping naked was fine, but he had to put something on before joining the rest of them.

Another testament to his willingness to learn, this morning, Thor had both not tried to attack the wall when JARVIS greeted him, and he had sat down and waited for Steve to serve him the main breakfast first, willing to wait because he knew he could still have his pop-tarts afterwards.

Between all of them, they finished four full pots of coffee and a good lot of food, before going around, chatting to one another as they waited for their final member to show up.

Normally Tony showed up between twelve and two pm, but today Clint and Steve started getting Tony's meal together early.

It turned out to be a good thing, Bruce's success in getting Tony to bed, meant he was up at ten.

Tony, in half untucked, probably ridiculously expensive flannel pajamas, looked vaguely befuddled at the stereo sound greeting he got from JARVIS, Clint and the others, before zeroing in and making a wobbly beeline to the full cup Clint held out to him.

Catching sight of the cup Steve was holding and Bruce's pajamas, he snerked lazily as he was given a plate of food, and, other than a bit of snark, obligingly slowed down when Bruce came as close a Bruce got to scolding him for eating too fast.

As the others wandered off, Clint sat down next to the eccentric billionaire.

"We're one weird little family aren't we?"

In a rare moment, Tony smiled and agreed, before returning to his usual self.

"Hey, Legolas, you think I could get Bruce into a 'World's Greatest Mom' set of Pajamas?"

The End


End file.
